Since I am a girl also I feel like I have a leg up on things that I don't want to teach her. While I have two wonderful parents who always encouraged me and told me I was beautiful and could be anything I wanted to be, the world still got in and over the years I have let the world and Satan change my perception of myself. I wish I could just gift Charlotte with all of the knowledge that I have right now looking back on my growing up years, but life doesn't work that way. I'm sure my parents wished the same thing with me and my brother when we were growing up. I guess the only thing I can do is work purposefully to instill the correct things in her life and pray a whole lot that she listens to God's voice much more than the voice of the world or my voice since everyone other than God is going to slip and send the wrong message at some point. Oh, and blog about it so that in ten years if she so chooses to see what I was thinking on this particular day maybe she can be reminded of some of this.
It seems like I've seen a lot of things recently about raising girls. I currently have 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter and Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl in my "to read" list as well as Secure Daughters, Confident Sons and 5 Conversations You Must Have with your Son on my Christmas List. But in addition to those I've had things popping up on my Google Reader about raising kids and have seen items on Pinterest about it. I hope that means that our world is changing to help make it easier for parents to teach their kids the right things, but I think it's probably more than I've just been stumbling across some good advice.
Like this from Pinterest:
Which reminds me that even at this age, Charlotte is watching me. There's a reason she loves shoes and jewelry right now even though she's only two. There's a reason that she loves having her own phone and loves typing on the computer. I don't want her to learn right now that the scale matters. (Thankfully I've been setting a GREAT example of that during this pregnancy :) but I've got to remember to keep modeling it when I'm trying to loose this weight that I "didn't care" if I put on.) The scale should never matter. It's a number that tells not one thing about a person. And the number is personal anyway -- 130 lbs on one person looks totally different than 130 lbs on another!
Now, I want her to eat right. To learn to love veggies and fruit and milk and water. To choose something other than a soft drink at a party and to only eat if she's hungry and not because she's bored. And those are things that I have to keep in the forefront of my mind that I want to be teaching her. Because how can I teach her that if I'm not modeling it? (Hello pot, yes I'm aware that I, the kettle, just called you black!)
The note on that pin is a quote from JK Rowling:
"I've got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don't want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before 'thin'. And frankly, I'd rather they didn't give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermione's, rather than Pansy Parkinson's. Let them never be Stupid Girls."
And that's the truth, I don't want Charlotte to care about a number on a scale or what size jeans she is wearing. Better to be a smart girl who is interesting rather than someone people avoid being around because all they talk about are calories and the current diet they're on!
And not to keep harping on appearance (when I really want Charlotte to think about everything other than her appearance), I also love this picture of Emma Watson and the quote with it.
Everyone has different opinions on what's "ok" to dress your toddler in and what's "ok" to dress your child in and what you give in to in letting your teenage dress in, but I think this is something important to remember and also model. There are so many beautiful clothes out there that aren't revealing and don't send the wrong message and I want Charlotte to understand that being beautiful is not about showing the most skin. Protecting yourself emotionally and physically from negativity is so important and I want her to grow up knowing that she doesn't have to compromise any of her standards to be beautiful. That being beautiful comes from showcasing your personality and talents and gifts that God gave you and making your body reflect your love for Him and not your love for yourself or the world.
I don't really know how to teach this yet, but want to be able to point out this picture to her and tell her about this famous actress who told People that showing skin isn't a prerequisite to being beautiful.
On a very different note, this morning I had a blog post pop up in my Reader that was a posting of an article by another actress that I admire, Bethany Joy Galeotti from One Tree Hill. I don't normally read the Huffington Post (as most people I'm sure would assume about me) but I went to check out the article that Bethany reposted and loved it even more the second time I read it. If you have time, go and read Lisa Bloom's article entitled "How to Talk to Little Girls." I promise it will make you think twice about making a little girls' outfit the first thing you comment on when you see them. Because, again, I want Charlotte to know that her clothes don't make her who she is.
But the most important thing that I want to teach Charlotte right now (again, I don't know how to do this so ideas are welcome!) is reflected in this quote:
We're definitely dealing with discipline issues now, she is two after all, and I'm sure those will only escalate when little brother enters the picture. But we're also dealing with a two year old who hates to get in trouble and starts repeating "I'm sorry Mommy!" when I apologize to her for doing something like hurting her tender head while brushing the tangles out. Charlotte definitely is the child of a Mom who hates to mess up and who sets way too high of a standard for herself and others. It's something that I'm constantly working on -- not letting the "should's" take over my life and giving myself and especially everyone else a break when we don't accurately predict the future and handle any misstep before it occurs. This propensity to want to be perfect it's definitely something that I DON'T want to pass down to her and is something that I need to constantly think about not modeling to her through my behavior.
The fact of the matter is that God doesn't require me to be perfect and if HE doesn't require that, why in the world should I require that of myself?!? While I want Charlotte to grow up and set her goals high and work hard to achieve them, I also want her to be comfortable with messing up because life is messy. Grace is the always there for the taking while perfection is always elusive. As her parents we want her to miss the "big mistakes" that kids make -- smoking, drinking, most anything to do with boys until she's 30, etc -- but even a biggie like that won't make us, or God, love her any less.
As I'm writing this Charlotte is asleep taking a nap. I had a long list of things I needed to do to finish preparing for James' arrival but I also knew that I wanted to get these thoughts down so instead spent most of nap time on this post. This morning Charlotte picked out her outfit for school and it included a pair of pants that have a sequined peace sign on them. One of her favorite questions right now is "What does ____ mean?" which leaves us with a lot of scrambling trying to figure out how to explain the meaning of Tuesday or the name of our city or a peace sign.
So this morning when she asked me, "What does a peace sign mean?" I thought about it and told her what I think a peace sign should mean. I told her that a peace sign means, "God loves everyone." And as she was walking down the stairs she asked me again what it meant and I asked her if she remembered and she said, "God loves everyone! God loves Mommy! God loves Daddy! God loves ME!" And as she yelled "ME" at the end of that I wanted to wrap my arms around her and block out the world. Because I never want her to forget that most importantly, God loves her. We all love her and will do everything we can to be there for her no matter what, but there will be times in her life when she's alone and no one can come and pick up the broken pieces other than God. And He will do it, every single time, because God loves CHARLOTTE. And that, in truth, is the most important thing and even if she doesn't hear anything else that I teach her, if I can teach her to hold tight to that fact every day of her life, I will have succeeded as a Mom.
I love this post! Even printed it out and put it in my "if I'm a mom" file. I love how you are so intentional with your parenting..just the way God intended. :)
ReplyDelete